Project Kepler: Delivery Included!

Because Nothing Says "Welcome to the Neighborhood" Like a Planet-Sized Firework

You’re a lone cyborg stuck on the worst vacation planet ever. The locals? Hungry, angry, and very bitey. The hotel amenities? A crumbling outpost and a fleet of drones that might remember to refuel you. The checkout plan? A big, fat orbital bomb that turns the whole planet into a toasty marshmallow.

Your Mission: Survive long enough for the universe’s most aggressive pest control to arrive.

How to Not Die Horribly:

🏗 Build a Self-Sustaining Death Factory – Because nothing says "I value my life" like automating turrets while you sip recycled alien-goo coffee.

🛒 Daily Discounts on Questionable Upgrades – "Oh cool, a +10% damage chip! …Wait, why does it smell like burnt toast?" (Warning: Side effects may include spontaneous drone jazz hands.)

🤖 Drones: Your Overworked Minions – They haul resources, fight aliens, and occasionally get stuck in a tree. You’d fire them, but the HR department got eaten yesterday.

⚡ Adapt or Get Alienated – Will you go full "I Love Turrets", become a drone warlord, or just hoard resources like a sci-fi squirrel?

💥 Roguelike Fun! – Every run is different! (Mostly because the aliens keep evolving to mock your poor life choices.)

Key Features (Now with 100% More Sarcasm):

🤖 Drones™ Brand Multi-Purpose Drones – "Fights! Hauls! Panics! Batteries not included (or guaranteed to last)."

🛒 The Daily "We’re All Gonna Die" Sale – Today’s deals: A flamethrower upgrade or a coupon for "one free sad beep." Choose wisely.

🏭 Factory or Fight? Why Not Both? – Automate, defend, and occasionally cry as your carefully laid plans get chewed on.

👾 Alien Waves: Now with Extra Spicy – They start cute. Then they grow legs. Then guns. Why do they have guns?!

💣 Tactical Orbital Sunburn – The only 5-star Yelp review this planet’s getting.

Will you survive?
Probably not. But hey, at least the explosions will be pretty.

(Management not responsible for drone mutinies, alien tax audits, or sudden existential dread.)

Launching Soon™ – Assuming the drones finish the paperwork.